Friday, November 30, 2007

elf

If you haven't seen it, there is a sight where you can put your face on an elf.

www.elfyourself.com

Here's the link for ours!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1118008323

Enjoy!

-Lopez

reading

It turns out that people read less. There was a study done and they put out a 99-page report to tell us that. Seriously? Why so long? Can I get the Cliffs Notes version?

It has inspired me to keep my blog postings shorter. I don't know how long that will last, but I shall try!

It said people don't read for pleasure. Who has the time for that? I barely have time to watch 5 hours of TV every day! Where can I find the time to read!

I do read a lot of comic books, but that's not for pleasure, that's an addiction. I swear they line the pages of comics with something because if I don't get the smell of "comic book" every few hours I'll go into shock.

I think it's also made me allergic to real books because when I try to read a novel I get a rash and have to use my epi-pen. hehe...epi-pens are fun.

You probably haven't even read this far because it's too long. Sorry!

I have to go get my fix.

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Thursday, November 29, 2007

kids are smart

We took calls about "the funniest thing that your kids did" today. We got a lot of very funny stories.

I like the story about the women whose daughter had the pacifier taped to her mouth. The reason her older kids did that? The baby kept spitting it out. Makes sense to me.

I don't think I did anything really funny when I was a kid. I was just as boring then as I am now. I do have an OLD picture of me in a diaper, cowboy boots and a pipe, but I think that's normal for kids to wear. I would wear that now if the occasion called for it, so it's not really that weird.

Did you or your kids do any thing really funny? Let me know. I'd love to hear the stories.

I have to go shine my cowboy boots.

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

preschool

Wow! It's been a week since I posted something! I'm all messed up from having thanksgiving off. I hope everybody had a wonderful weekend and holiday.

This morning we talked about the state trying to decide whether the government should pay for preschool or if it should be the parents. Some say the government should help parents out, but then there are adults who don't have kids who don't want to pay for it.

I have the solution!

The kids make a LOT of stuff in school. Well, instead of the children making arts and crafts for their parents to enjoy, they make them for everybody to enjoy. These kids make all sorts of stuff that can be sold online! Make the kids work for their education. Makes sense, right? I thought so. I don't know why I didn't go into politics.

You should hear my views on universal health care and taxes. You would literally wet your pants because they are so good. I can't tell you what they are now because I might need the ideas to win a presidential election but I can tell you they BOTH involve an emu, duct tape and lilacs. Yeah...this will work perfectly.

I have to go round up some livestock.

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Turkey

Happy Thanksgiving!

That's all I'm going to write today. I know my last few posts have been REALLY long. This one is short.

I hope you have some time off and have lots of food!

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

3.14159265358979323846

Ha! I mean pie! Math jokes are funny!

Whoooo! Ok, take a deep breath. Wow...that was funny. Phew!

Now that we're composed, let us talk about pie!

We read some survey this morning that said apple pie the number one pie. I am NOT a fan of apple pie. I like apples, just not in pie form. I don't know why. What pie do you love?

The reason why pies are great is because they are a healthier to eat than cake. I mean, most of them have fruit as a filling. You can't get much better than fruit! Heck, some pies even get gourds in them! Look at the ever-popular pumpkin pie. I don't like pumpkin pie either, but I know a lot of people who do. My brother does.

My favorite pies are cherry pie and lemon meringue pie. There are some blueberry pies that are good too. All of them have fruit! Look at me being healthy. It was genius to put a lot of sugar on fruit to make it taste better.

person 1: This fruit tastes healthy. How can we make fruit taste awesome?

person 2: I like sugar a lot. What if we added sugar to fruit? Maybe some goo-stuff to let it soak in?

person 1: oh. my. god. That's brilliant! We could do the same thing with gourds!

person 2: Gourds?!?!?! That's stupid.

person 1: You're right. That would never catch on.

Little did they know...

Go enjoy some pie on thanksgiving. Go enjoy some pie right now! Who cares if it's on thanksgiving or not!

I'm off to get my 5 servings of fruit. Gooey, yummy, sugary fruit...

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Monday, November 19, 2007

Caffeine: The Prequel

Well, since I have nothing else going on, I figured I would tell you all about my addiction to caffeine.

Many years ago in a bedroom far away, I had a little fridge. In that little fridge lived many cans of Coca Cola. In those cans lived one of my only friends in high school, caffeine. (the other friend was comic books)

I drank many cans of soda every day. I also ate a lot of bread. Why? I have no idea. It was good. Oh...don't forget skittles, too. I ate a lot of those. A LOT of those.

The years went by and I decided I drank too much soda and got too much caffeine, so I decided to stop. This was in college. I also never drank coffee. I just didn't like the taste.

Then many reports came out about coffee being good for you. People have better memory when they are older. There are antioxidants. They have flavanols. I don't know what flavanols are, but they sound wonderful.

They sound like something out of Willy Wonka, right?

WW: Here is a funtastic new item for you kids to try! They are called Flavanols and they make your taste buds fly!

Kids: Wow! They have so much Flava! I can't wait to enjoy more! Please let us have more of these flavanols before we head out the door!

Why did that rhyme? I don't know. It seemed like the thing to do.

Anyways, I thought adding a little caffeine into my life would improve my health and my bad mood. I don't know about the health, but it didn't do much for my mood. We're still working on that.

So NOW, I found a few different types of coffee that I can stand. Exciting!

Wow. This story was WAY less interesting than I thought it would be. I hope you had your coffee before reading it. I may have put you to sleep. What are you addicted to? What did you give up? Let me know!

I have to go wake up.

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Friday, November 16, 2007

I chipped a tooth!

Hi folks. Boy, did I have a fun day yesterday! I had to rush out of here for a funtastic time at the dentist. My dental people rock. They are all really nice to me.

I had a new person do my cleaning yesterday because my regular person was out for the day. I sat in a new room and it was cool. She has a maze on the ceiling so when you are relaxing in their fancy chairs, you can do something. Now, I think it's a great idea, BUT the maze is a little scary. It had scary clowns and creatures on it. It looked freaky. It is also ridiculously hard to finish a maze when somebody is picking at your teeth with a metal hook.

I did get x-rays and it turns out that I have a chip missing from my mouth. I have to go back to get it filled in. Must have been one of those many fights I get into. oh wait...the first rule of fight club is not to talk about fight club. Eh...who's gonna read this, right? In case you're curious, the second rule is that you have to bring a snack at every meeting. We prefer home-baked goods, but we'll allow you to buy stuff.

THEN! I got to see Wicked at the Bushnell in Hartford last night. It was RAD! A really good show. They are almost sold out, so if you want to go, you're going to have to get those tickets SOON.

FINALLY! I'm going to see Don't Drink The Water at East Longmeadow High School this weekend because one of the girls from my last play is in it. It should be a good time.

I've got a lot of stuff going on! I'm not usually this busy! I hope I don't crash because I still have to work all weekend too! I'll have to stock up on my Java Beans.

If you don't know, Java Beans are these great organic chocolate covered coffee beans. Maybe someday I'll tell you all about my caffeine addiction. I thought I should avoid it for a few years, then I realized that I probably should start it up again. That's all you'll get right now. It's a tease, I know, but I want all of my two readers to come back!

What if the jury pool was really a pool with water and stuff? I just thought of that because of my last post. I'd rather be in the jury hot tub. Yeah...bubbles...

sometimes it would be cool if I could finish a blog entry and have it make sense. This post does not follow a straight line and it's SO LONG!

Where is my mind?

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Jury Duty

I'm back from jury duty! I didn't have to come into work yesterday because I had to go judge people. The sad thing is that I didn't actually get to do anything.

I went to the courthouse at 7:30 and sat there until 1pm. That was it. All I did was read comic books all morning. That was actually pretty awesome. Maybe not exactly what you think of as a great day, but wouldn't you rather skip work for a day and do something you like? I bet you would!

I loaded up my purse/messenger bag with comics just in case I had to sit there all day. Lucky for me, my bag is HUGE and it was filled to the brim. I brought snacks and a sandwich and comic books. The x-ray guy probably thought I was supplying food and reading material for everybody getting called in!

What would you like to do if you could skip work for a day?

I'm off to be judgemental!

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Monday, November 12, 2007

Make a Wish!

I was wondering why they don't put candles on a wedding cake.

Wouldn't it be awesome if the bride and groom could blow out the candles and make a wish? How romantic is that?

Then, to make it even cooler, you could put a candle on every piece that goes out to the guests and THEY can make a wish too! Hopefully they will all be good wishes for the new couple.

You could also wish for a new car. Whatever, if they really are your friends, they'll be happy that you have a new car.

I think this idea is brilliant. Way better than throwing cake at each other. That will only be entertaining if you start a HUGE food fight. Now that's a wedding I could get into!

Out with traditional! In with awesome!

I'm off to make a wish.

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Friday, November 9, 2007

I would not advise that course of action, Michael.

Sounds like something Kitt from Knight Rider would say, doesn't it? I bring that up because we were talking about things we kept from our childhood and I kept my Cabbage Patch Kid. His name is Michael Knight. Yes, just like David Hasselhoff.

He generally sits in my apartment and rocks, but right now he's rehearsing at city stage for the play WE are in. That's right, he's in it too.

What's that I hear? Could it be the sound of a plug coming? YES! Wait...did you say shameless? You are absolutely right!

This is the last weekend of my play "The Heidi Chronicles". It's Friday and Saturday night at 8pm and Sunday at 3pm. It's at City Stage in downtown Springfield. Tickets are $18.

Everybody does a fantastic job. You should come see it just to watch the talent these actors have.

That is all for today. I have to go run my lines so I don't forget them tonight.

What character am I playing again...

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Gruesome Grammatical Guiles!!!!

Do you dare go forward wary reader? The story below could frighten the faint of heart! Be wary, a perilous path lies ahead!

It's time for the Adventures of the Amazing Ampersand and the Courageous Comma! Can this terrific team escape from the clutches of the evil Grammar Grinder?!

Wow! That's scary! Anyways, I'm making this silly story up for a reason. I'm hoping some of the bosses don't read it because it could get me in trouble. Don't tell anyone, ok?

This is some behind the scenes stuff from the station. Have you seen that fancy new logo we have? It's on the website. It says "The Kellogg Krew with Chris, Dina, & Lopez". It's all purple and swirly and cool. It's our sweet new logo.

Well, there was a big hoopla about whether there should be a comma after Dina. Everybody was looking up stuff that said it could go either way. But, in a list, it is proper English to place the comma before the "and". What was confusing, I think, was that we used the ampersand (the & symbol) instead of the word "and". As far as I know, "&" is equal to "and".

Now, I'm not one to get grammar correct all the time. Really, you can ask my mom. She'll call me and tell me about the mistakes on this blog. Can you spot them all today? I see one already, but I don't care! HA! Does anybody care about grammar anymore! NO!

I'm kidding. Grammar rocks. I believe there should be a comma after Dina because otherwise it implies that "Dina & Lopez" is one thing. We are not. We are two VERY separate entities.

That's all for today. There is your grammar lesson. Fun! Go tell your friends & neighbors! They will appreciate, thank, & love you for the information.

I have to go run, jump, & play.

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

toilet paper

You've been warned. That is the topic of today's discussion.

Why toilet paper? Well, I think there is a bit too much variety in the t.p. world. Extra soft, extra firm, extra lotion, extra thick, extra pillowy, etc...

There is a commercial with these bears that use toilet paper. Due to all sorts of lint that remains on the bear butt, they have to vacuum each other's butts. What?!?!?! Who does this? First of all, I don't think bears use toilet paper. I'm not sure, though.

What I can tell you is that bears do NOT like to get their butt vacuumed. Seriously, don't try it. I'm typing with one hand today because the commercial made it seem like they were all happy about it.

He took my vacuum too...the furry forknspooner...

Now, besides the whole bear issue, who has a problem with too much toilet paper lint? How did the folks at Charmin realize that people were having this issue? Did somebody send a letter? If they did, how did that person find out? These are things you have to wonder.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who asks about this stuff. I know you are all thinking it.

This commercial is also dangerous because it teaches children that bears are safe creatures that enjoy a vacuuming. Don't believe it, kids! It's too dangerous!

Ok, I have to redo my bandages.

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Monday, November 5, 2007

Hair: Not the musical

Sorry. I'm sure you'd love to hear me sing about hair, but not today.

There was some silly argument about hair this morning as to whether a couple should discuss a haircut to make sure both people are happy with it or if you can just get it cut.

Does it really matter? I mean, doesn't everybody know that in the future it will be all mushed together? Due to all the blending of DNA from folks all over the world, every human will have perfect, short brown hair. Much like my perfect, short brown hair. What can I say, I'm ahead of my time :)

Also! In the future, we will be able to ride flying unicorns to work every day. Don't believe me?????!!!! WELL, think about this, we combine DNA all the time these days. Seriously, geneticists barely even think about it anymore. It's like going out to get lunch.

G1: Hey, wanna combine a fish and light bulb?

G2: Sure...how about we go to White Hut after for a burgers?

G1: Dude...you read my mind. Wait a second...did you combine your DNA with that mind-reading alien we have?

G2: That's right I did.

G1: Dude...that is totally sweet.

G2: Totally.

See! The future is NOW! All they have to do is get a horse, a bird and a rhino and put the blender on high and presto, you have a unicorn!

Why would you want a unicorn? Uhhhh..Duh! Because they rock! Maybe, if you're lucky, I'll tell you why someday.

I'm off to ride the unicorn!

wait...that sounds...eh...whatever...

Enjoy!

-Lopez

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Lego is SO possessive!

Yesterday I made the mistake of saying something about Lego pieces and for some reason I thought that on the official Lego logo (ha, say that three times fast!) they had the word possessive. As in "Lego's". Why did I think that? I have no idea. I decided to check that out. Turns out I was WAY wrong. Thanks mom.

Talking about Lego pieces, I once had a friend who would go all out with his Lego construction. I'm one to talk, because I have no life, but some people may be worse than I am. Though, he would probably say that I had no life compared to him. I guess it depends on what you like to do.

Let me tell you about him. I won't use his name, but we'll call him Lamont. Lamont and his little brother would buy a bunch of Lego sets and make stuff. THEN they would go overboard and make new stuff.

Here's an exciting night at the Lamont home:

Lamont: Hey, little brother. Would you like to create an exact replica of the Van Steuben Castle in Germany with our new Lego sets?

Little Brother: Can we do it to scale????

Lamont: Heck yeah! Is there any other way!

Little Brother: Totally Sweet!!!!!!!!

I really shouldn't make fun. He was a smart kid and he's probably more successful than I am now. Maybe I just didn't have the drive to get such ambitious projects done. I should probably be jealous of him.

And, to further prove that I have no right to judge, I just got my shipment of comic books in. Oh yeah...that's what we call cool...in geekland.

Want to hear about something way neater?! This weekend is the start of the play I'm in. I would like to promote it. I act better than I build Lego sets. Well...I hope I do, because if you saw my Lego house, you would think I built it with my tongue.

It's The Heidi Chronicles. It's going on Nov. 2, 3, 4, 9, 10, 11. Fri. and Sat. night shows are at 8 and the Sunday shows are at 3. It's $18 a ticket. If you have any questions, you can email me or write to the blog. The only problem is that I don't know when I'll get the question because I don't have Internet at home. I should be able to check it this weekend, though. If you come to the show, I hope you enjoy it!

That is all for me today. I have to go read comics...ooooooh Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...I wanna know what happens....

Enjoy!

-Lopez